Your Pages
by onebigscribble
Summary: The war has left Hermione lonely and unable to cope. Will a chance meeting with an old friend pull her back from the brink? HG/RL, AU. M Rated for language and adult situations.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters or anything else from Harry Potter, this all belongs to JK Rowling. **

**A/N: So this obviously going to be AU and HG/RL like it said on the tin. Hopefully it'll turn into a half decent bit of writing :P**

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**Your Pages**

****Chapter 1

Since the war things had changed and Hermione had never liked change. Perhaps that was why she had sought such comfort in books because the words never changed once they were printed. A book never stopped feeling like a book and the sound of a page turning had no hidden meanings. But now she knew that no matter how many pages she turned, no matter how much she learnt, when she looked up the world would be different.

What use was knowledge once the world was irrevocably changed? Libraries and the scent of dusty pages held no explanations to the late Voldemort's cruelty. Books didn't tell her how to put her life back together after the war; they didn't prepare her for life after Hogwarts and the trio. Despite all of her learning it was Hermione Granger who got left behind by her classmates and friends. Well, those that hadn't perished in that dark time.

She wished that she could spend some time on a comfy sofa with Harry and Ron, watching them goof about but they had families now. For all that she was filled with joy when Harry had announced that his wife Ginny was pregnant, or when Ron and Luna got engaged, there was a tinge of melancholic jealousy. She cherished the meetings they had when the trio's lives didn't interrupt plans but she was very aware that Hermione Granger, supposedly the brightest witch of her age, was alone in world that moved too fast.

A voice and a hand gesturing in front of her face brought her out of her reverie. "That'll be six pounds, miss," The bartender said over the top of the thudding bass. Hermione dug in her bag and handed over the money before smiling politely. She smoothed her short black dress that exposed the leanness of her long tanned legs. With a grim smile Hermione brushed her curly brown hair from her face and knocked back the three shots of vodka on the bar in front of her.

Hermione sucked in a breath as the familiar burn of alcohol flared in her mouth and throat. Her friends might be settling down and keeping up with the world's pace but she was a twenty year old witch, at ease in the muggle world, and she was damn well going to enjoy it.

She spun around and sauntered out onto the dance floor of the club that pulsed and writhed with the sweat slickened bodies of hundreds of dancers. Hermione could almost forget the war and the expectations placed on her in the wizarding world while she was out dancing in muggle clubs. Back in the world where she belonged there were endless requests for one of 'golden trio' to consent to interviews with journalists and writers. There she was Hermione Granger and everyone from her friends to her ex-teachers, to strangers expected her to create some miracle potion, discover some breakthrough in healing, work high up in the Ministry, or become the champion of disenfranchised magical creatures.

The vodka sent a rush to her head and the beat of the music commanded her to move her hips. Hermione delighted in the way that her swaying hips enticed men to dance with her, men who had no idea who she was and didn't really care as long as they had a chance of getting laid at the end of the night. If she found one she liked the look of she might even give him what he wanted.

Faceless figures danced with her, bodies grinding close. Hermione shut her silver makeup-covered eyes and let her head fall back in the mindless ecstasy of drunkenness.

After half an hour she staggered out into the smoking area, laughing, with a man in tow. Hermione guessed that he was around her own age, maybe a little older, but he was moderately attractive with light brown hair and grey eyes. What was more important was he seemed quite eager without being too sleazy. "What's your name?" He asked her and passed her a bottle of beer.

"Hermione. Yours?" She swigged the lager. It tasted bitter on her tongue.

"Hermione," He said testing out her name before lighting a cigarette and offering one to her. Hermione smiled and accepted the roll of tobacco. "Cool name. I'm Dan."

"Well Dan," She said taking drag on the cigarette. "Shall we go in and get some more drinks?"

"You haven't drunk your beer yet," the guy replied with slurred amusement. She flashed him a grin and lazily emptied the bottle before wiggling it flirtatiously between her slim fingers.

She followed the grinning man back into the club and over to the bar. Somewhere inside her mind a frizzy haired, buck toothed girl began a lecture about all the useful roles she could have fulfilled back in the wizarding world.

But things had changed. And here Hermione was just another girl looking for a good time.

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**A/N: So thanks for reading, guys. Hopefully it's not too OOC for you... Any suggestions or anything you'd like to see happen in the story just let me know :) **

**Scribbles xx**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters or anything else from Harry Potter, this all belongs to JK Rowling etc, etc..**

**A/N: Hi guys :) Next chapter is now up and will probably update in the next few days. This one's from Remus' perspective, hope it's okay!**

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Chapter 2**  
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Friday nights always seemed slightly redundant to Remus Lupin. The mad rush, of what seemed like every employed (and many unemployed) person, to find a place in a bar and proceed to get completely drunk seemed illogical. Considering that he felt exhausted by the end of his working week, all this going out and dancing just didn't make sense. If he wanted to get drunk, as he so frequently did since the war, he had a perfectly nice bottle of firewiskey back at his rooms in Grimmauld Place.

Remus jammed his hands in his coat pockets against the cold, drizzly weather. Only three days until the full moon... and he was doing this with one of his free nights before the transformation. He could almost hear his favourite armchair by the fire calling for him to come back and read. Maybe he should turn around. The book on the effects of dark magic on the mind that he had propped open on the arm of his chair at home did seem very tempting right –

"For my sake, please stop sulking Mooney," Sirius said with a dramatic sigh as he met Remus' fast strides with ease.

"It's your fault I'm in a bad mood," Remus replied pushing his damp hair from his forehead with a small scowl. He turned towards the handsome dark-haired wizard beside him and narrowed his eyes slightly. "I just don't know how going out is meant to make me 'loosen up' Padfoot."

"Well if nothing else, if you get laid tonight then maybe the wolf won't be stalking around the cellar on Monday night like...well like a caged wolf!" Sirius said grinning widely.

"You're an arse," Remus growled.

They came to a halt at one of London's busy crossroads, waiting for the traffic lights to change. "Oh come on mate!" Sirius said forcibly turning Remus towards him.

"Don't turn those puppy-dog eyes on me Padfoot, they won't work on me."

"Aww, but I'm so cute!" Sirius emitted little whining noises.

"Less cute since last week when you interrupted my date," Remus replied glancing up at the green man now illuminated on the crossing lights.

"Yeah... well I apologised, didn't I?" Sirius said catching up with him as they crossed the road.

"Hmph. Well you're lucky she didn't press charges for indecent exposure!"

"Hey, if you can't walk around naked in your own house than where can you?" Sirius shrugged.

"Preferably nowhere," Remus replied with a wry smile.

"It's not my fault that you and whats-her-name have no appreciation for the finely chiselled male form," Sirius said striking a heroic pose.

Remus snorted in response. "Well I won't be seeing _Emma_," he emphasised while looking pointedly at Sirius. "I won' t be seeing her again."

Remus glanced around at their surroundings. They strode down a darkened London street with the lamp light reflecting in puddles and silhouettes of people outside pubs. "Where is this pub anyway?" Remus asked scrubbing a hand through his hair and nudging Sirius to get his attention. "Stop looking at girls in short skirts and answer me, you dog," He continued, laughing at Sirius' distracted face.

"It's not a pub, Mooney," Sirius said happily with a grin on his face.

"Well what –" Remus stopped as Sirius halted them in front of a building with huge neon lit letters and the sounds of drum and bass music.

"Ta-da!" Sirius said throwing his arms out.

"It's called 'Magic'..." Remus said sceptically looking at Sirius who just grinned in reply.

"Well, yeah, it's got a shit name but I can assure you it has the cheapest drinks and the hottest totty this side of London! Come on Mooney." Sirius grabbed Remus' hand and pulled him into the queue.

Inside the music throbbed and the scent of hundreds of bodies mingled with sweat, sex and alcohol. In the heady mix it was difficult to discern anything in particular and Remus tried not to be disorientated by the sensory onslaught. He took a huge mouthful of the beer in his hand as he looked out over the dance floor from the sidelines and watched as Sirius was engulfed in a cloud of feminine curves and short skirts as he danced. The wolf within him begged to be let out as a couple of pretty girls smiled at him as they walked by.

Remus lent his head back against the wall and shut his eyes for a moment, the vibrations of the music thudding through his body. With the feel of all the people around him he was suddenly aware of how alone he really was. Ever since Tonks had died... and even with Sirius there to keep him company he craved for what he had lost. He couldn't even feel anything anymore, he felt cold and empty inside. Downing his beer he went to the bar for another. And another... and another.

As he watched the drink made Remus head spin slightly. "Mate!" Sirius said loudly bounding up to Remus and pulling him onto the dance floor and into the mass of bodies. He grinned as some woman sauntered over in her dancing and pulled him along to the rhythm with her hips. Her hair was a long luscious cascade of brown curls and she had a sweet scent like vanilla and caramel mixed with something muskier and more primal. He couldn't help but notice how her dress clung in just the right places and as she placed his hands on her hips the wolf begged him to let him have her. Merlin, she felt amazing under his hands. It really had been too long.

Sirius looked up and grinned at Remus. The woman in front of him had slowed and as the song faded into another she turned around. As her chocolate eyes met his golden the grin froze on his face and the seductive smile on hers faltered. Recognition fell between them like a guillotine severing the connection they'd established during their heated dancing. She spun away from him and pushed and staggered her way through the dance floor, towards the exit.

Remus stood stunned. He felt Sirius sidle up to him and tap him on the arm. "What'd you do Mooney?" He asked teasingly. It bought him to his senses and he darted away from Sirius with her name on his lips.

"Hermione! Wait!"

"Holy shit," He heard Sirius exclaim from behind him as they both strode to follow the fleeing girl. Remus had to admit that on this occasion he agreed entirely with Sirius' sentiments.

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**A/N: Thanks for reading! Any suggestions or whatever then feel free to comment. Hope you enjoyed :) **

**Love Scribbles xx**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all its characters etc. belong to JK Rowling.**

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****Chapter 3

Shrugging her black leather jacket on as she stumbled from the club and onto the puddle strewn pavement Hermione tried to stop the world from spinning in front of her eyes. Oh Merlin! Remus Lupin, in a muggle club. The shock of coming face-to-face with her past so unexpectedly sent twisting tendrils of anxiety through her that snagged on the barbs of her grief she had tried to bury.

Heels were so damned hard to run in and the rain was coming down heavier. Hermione whipped her head around frantically as she searched for a familiar signpost or landmark, but in the rain distorted darkness all the streets looked the same. Car headlights blinded her and shadows seemed to loom from everywhere.

But worse than her panicked drunkenness was the resurgence of a sickeningly familiar feeling. Guilt... Oh the endless chasm of guilt. She should have done more, could have done more. If she had been more intelligent then she could have found horcruxes sooner. If she had not protected Pettigrew in the shrieking shack then he would have died before he had time to report to Voldemort. Worst of all she knew that if she hadn't stopped to catch her breath behind an overturned table then she would have been able to protect Fred. _Oh dear Fred...I'm so very sorry_.

A sob rose from her throat and caught in her grief she didn't notice as she stumbled and met the concrete beneath her. Hermione's fingers curled around the edge of the curb and a sudden wave of nausea turned very quickly into her noisily vomiting into the gutter. The sick was getting in her hair, she realised ruefully as her stomach continued to reject its contents.

Helpless as she was in her current state, she initially panicked as she felt hands descend on her. But instead of grabbing her, the hands gently pulled her hair away from her face and rubbed her back in comforting circles. _Just like Mum used to_. Another stab of grief tore through her. "Shh, s'alright Hermione," soothed a familiar voice while she dry retched for a few minutes.

Finally, Hermione shuffled back away from the roadside and sat shaking in front of two men. "P-p-professor Lupin?" She asked tentatively feeling her face burn with shame.

"You haven't called me that in years!" He chuckled softly, ducking his head to catch her gaze with his deep amber eyes. "Remus..." She breathed softly, feeling the way his name felt on her lips after two years.

"And don't forget me," Said another familiar voice from beside her. She twisted to see none other than Sirius Black crouched with a slightly softer grin on his face. "Phew! You led us a merry chase, Hermione!" Sirius said nudging her lightly with the back of his hand.

Tears spilt from her eyes anew. _How can I look at these men who have survived _two_ wars and not gone down the same cowardly route in the aftermath as I have?_ Her shame-filled tears were washed away by the rain almost as soon as they fell.

Hermione glance at Remus. His eyes were filled with concern rather than condemnation but as he took her hand and gently stroked it with his thumb she realised that memories and shame were not the only reason she had run when she had seen him. No, sitting here with him made her feel unmasked and naked. He knew the Hermione from before the war and she had a sneaking suspicion that he saw straight through her carefully painted veneer of the bubbly party girl.

Remus and Sirius seemed to be mumbling something to one another. "Hermione?" Remus asked.

"Yes?"

"We'd really feel more comfortable if you came back to Grimmauld Place where you'll be safe," He said frowning slightly. She noticed how easily the frown lines formed on his forehead. She stopped herself before her hand could reach out in an attempt to smooth away his worry. _I must've drunk more than I thought_. She shook her head slightly.

"Thank you, but no," she responded quietly.

"Hermione, you're soaking wet, freezing cold, drunk, covered with sick, and you have grazes all over your hands and knees that need tending to," Remus said gently placing his hands on her arms lightly.

"Hey 'Mione, if you come back you'll get to meet our cat we got!" Sirius said.

"I'm not thirteen, you idiot. Anyway what's a cat living with two canines for?" She snapped.

"Jeez... You've not lost that cutting edge to your tongue," Sirius muttered, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Look, Hermione," Remus said catching her attention and her eyes again. "Just come back for a few hours to have a bath, some food, and a hot chocolate or something. You won't have to lift a finger, no one will bother you, and I promise you're not being held prisoner."

The corners of her lips tipped up slightly as she saw his amused smile and twinkle in his eyes. "You promise that you won't tell anyone that I'm there? Not even Harry?" She asked.

"We promise," Remus said. "Don't we Sirius?"

"Huh? Oh yeah, I promise not to say anything," Sirius said standing up and stretching. "Now can we go? The rain is wet," He whinged.

"Really...The rain is wet?" Remus said looking at Sirius wryly. "Come on Hermione," Remus said standing and stretching down a hand to help her up.

Nerves twisted in Hermione's stomach as she slowly reach up to take his hand. She took a deep breath. _It's fine. You get a free meal, a warm bed in a nice house, and tomorrow when you slip out unnoticed you never have to see them again._ Her delicate hand stung with grazes as she slipped it into Remus' but the warmth from his body felt wonderful. Human contact that radiated compassion rather than lust. It was strangely tear-jerking that this was the first person to touch her in such a platonic way for over half a year.

"I'll apparate us back to the house, I don't want you to get splinched," Remus said as he helped her to her feet.

"See you there!" Sirius said before vanishing with a pop.

"Ready?" Remus asked keeping eye contact. She nodded and shivered as he wrapped his arms around her and prepared to apparate. Hermione could hear the steady beat of his heart through his soaked shirt as she leant the side of her face up against him. She could smell his earthy, spiced scent that covered his skin and clothes.

_I feel safe_. The thought was like a blow to the stomach as she had the sudden feeling of being tugged through a tight gap.

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**A/N: Thanks for reading my fic and also for the reviews so far. I hope you enjoyed :) **

**Love, **

**Scribbles xx**


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Remus and Hermione stood in the hallway of Grimmauld Place, the low lamplight casting a warm, homely glow. Remus was very aware that she still hadn't let go of his hand, her delicate hand feeling frozen and fragile in his. He could feel her little shivers as she stared ahead, wide chocolate eyes taking in surroundings that must hold so many memories for her.

He observed her carefully and realised that in the light cast around him she looked worn and painfully thin. Her dress gave the illusion of curves but he could see the fragility of her wrists and the way the leather jacket hung from her pointed shoulders. He wanted to take her in his arms and whisper that everything would be alright. Uncomfortably he was also very aware that some part of him wanted to know what her full rosebud lips felt against his, that some part of him craved the feeling of her body against his again. _You're nearly twenty years older than her! What are you thinking, you lecherous old man?_ Remus shook his head and reluctantly let her hand go.

Hermione took a few tentative steps forward. "If you want to get cleaned up, just go straight up the stairs and there's a spare room with a bathroom," He said after clearing his throat.

"Thank you," She said quietly, turning her face to smile up at him shyly. "Uh..." she began. "What should I do about a change of clothes?" She asked, a little blush creeping along her pale cheeks.

_Ah, shit... I hadn't thought of that_. Remus shifted awkwardly. "I'll find you something," He said finally.

"Okay. I'll see you in a bit then?" She said as she slipped off her heels and walked barefoot to the stairs.

Her bare legs looked deliciously long and creamy as she glided up the stairs and disappeared into the spare room. "Shit," Remus muttered to himself and turned to stalk into the kitchen. "Whaugh!" He exclaimed as he came face to face with Sirius' grinning face. "What?" Remus asked irritably.

"I know that look Mr Mooney," He said with a mischievous twinkle in his eye.

"What look?" Remus sighed in resignation.

"You were admiring Hermione's rather nice legs!" Sirius teased.

"Oh, shut up." He pushed past Sirius and headed for the kitchen.

"I have to admit she has blossomed into a real stunner," Sirius said thoughtfully.

Remus stopped and turned back, a small growl rising in his throat. "Don't even think about it Padfoot."

"What?" Sirius asked innocently.

"Don't even think about putting the moves on her," He replied narrowing his eyes at the other man.

"Why not?" Sirius' expression was only half teasing.

"Because," Remus began while walking forward and poking Sirius hard in the chest as he spoke. "Because she is vulnerable, because she is your godson's friend, because she needs friends not admirers, because she's nearly half your age, and just because," Remus finished and spun on his heel marching to the kitchen.

"Sounds like you've thought this through, Mooney!" Sirius called after him.

"Piss off!" Remus called back.

In the kitchen he ran a hand through his slightly shaggy sandy hair and took a deep breath. First things first, he had to put the hot chocolate on. Remus crumbled Honeyduke's finest into a pan with milk and cream and waved his wand over it, making sure it would slowly heat. He pushed past Sirius as he left the kitchen. _Damn that bastard and his incessant chuckling_. Half way up the stairs he could still hear the rumble of Sirius amusement.

Remus pulled out a checked shirt and maroon knitted jumper from his draw and started rifling around for a pair of suitable trouser. _Shit_, he thought when nothing turned up. _She can't walk around without trousers on all night_. The image caused a flush of heat in his face and somewhere highly inappropriate. _I'm so screwed..._

"Need any help?" Sirius asked poking his head around the door.

"Not unless you can find me a pair of trousers that'll fit Hermione, no," He said sighing and leaning his head against the wooden door of a cupboard.

"Actually, I might!" Sirius disappeared for a minute and returned with a pair of female flares. "Voila!"

"Are you in the habit of wearing women's trousers Padfoot?" Remus asked raising an eyebrow.

"No, some bird left them in my room a few weeks ago," He replied with a grin as he threw the jeans onto the bed.

"What did she wear home?" Remus exclaimed.

"She flooed home from here," Sirius said shrugging.

"Without trousers?" Remus asked incredulously.

"She was in a rush. Uh... her husband was coming home early or something," He said ruefully.

"Merlin, Padfoot! Do you have any sense of propriety?"

"How long have you known me?" Sirius replied. "Anyway I'm going to go downstairs and put on some food for us three," He said shrugging and leaving the room.

Remus looked at the clothing on the bed and folded them up. He picked them up and walked to the door of the spare room. He raised his hand to knock but faltered and dropped it to his side. He cursed and knelt down to place them at the door just as it opened. He looked up in surprise and was struck speechless.

Hermione stood in the doorway with a short towel wrapped around her body. Water droplets fell from her hair that spiralled lazily down her bare shoulders. Her skin glistened with the residue of her shower and he couldn't stop his eyes from moving to the tantalising hint of cleavage. Remus licked his lips to speak but couldn't summon the words. She smelt the same as before, of caramel and vanilla with that primal tang but now he could scent the coconut shampoo from her hair and the light minty residue of toothpaste. She smelt divine and he could hear the wolf baying for her.

Remus pulse quickened and his face flushed as he realised she was looking at him quizzically. He stood suddenly and thrust the clothes into her hands before making a quick exit down the stairs. "Thanks!" She called from behind but he didn't dare turn around in case he couldn't stop himself from bruising her lips with his and pulling off the towel and... _No! I can't think of her like that!_

He rushed into the kitchen to meet Sirius merrily chopping garlic and charming onions into a saucepan hissing with the smell of pancetta and mushroom. Remus left him to it and busied himself with stirring the chocolate that was starting to melt and mix with the other ingredients.

Remus was charming the colander to hover so Sirius could drain the pasta when Hermione arrived in the doorway with a sheepish smile on her face. "Hi..." She said quietly.

"Ah Madame! Come sit at ze table!" Sirius said bounding away to pull out a chair with a bow. Remus scowled as he quickly grabbed the pot of pasta that had started to fall from Sirius' abandoned spell.

"Argh!" He dropped the saucepan with a clatter onto the work surface and shook his hand to try and get rid of the burning sensation. Blowing on his palm with a regretful look on his face he slowly realised that both Hermione and Sirius were staring at him. "It was hot," He said blushing. Sirius shrugged and went back to finishing the dinner but Remus could feel that Hermione's eyes were fixed upon his back, burning into his flesh.

They ate in silence, only the scrape of cutlery upon china echoing through the kitchen. "Mmm," Hermione said putting down her fork and pushing her empty plate away. "Thanks guys, that was really good!" Sirius beamed at her and started gathering the plates away. Remus looked up from the table and met Hermione's eyes, she smiled shyly. "Fancy a hot chocolate?" He asked her.

"Ooh yes!" She replied with a contented grin. He smiled in return and got up to ladle the now smooth chocolate drink into mugs.

Remus couldn't help but watch her from under his hair as she blew gently across the surface of the drink. Sirius was mumbling the words to some song as he did the dishes but aside from that minor annoyance there was no other sound. Suddenly Hermione groaned in a way that sent shockwaves of lust through his abdomen. _Don't look, don't look..._ He looked. Her head was tilted back and her eyes were closed as she savoured the taste of the chocolate. She ran her tongue across her lips before taking another sip. "Mooney," Sirius mumbled almost inaudibly from behind him. "If you look any harder your eyes are going to fall out." Remus felt the heat rise into his face and concentrated on the thick chocolaty drink instead.

The sound of Hermione setting her cup down drew him out of his stupor and he glanced up at her. _Oh Merlin's beard!_ She was gently licking the residue of chocolate off her fingers. "Mmm... Remus! That must've been _the_ best hot chocolate I have ever had!" She exclaimed. The way she said his name made him blush even more. "Anyway I'm shattered so I'm going to head off the bed now..." She said standing.

"Okay! You're welcome to stay as long as you want Hermione!" Sirius said happily.

"Thanks," She replied with a slightly wistful look on her face. Before Remus knew what was happening she had bent down and placed a kiss on his cheek. "Thank you for everything," She said before disappearing out of the kitchen.

Remus sat stunned and slowly lifted his hand up to touch the spot where she had kissed him. He almost imagined that he could still feel a lingering warmth. "Aww, Mooney has a crush!" Sirius teased.

Remus scowled and slipped off a shoe. "Shut up Padfoot!" He exclaimed while launching his shoe at Sirius' head. "Ow!" Sirius exclaimed as he left the room and stalked off to the library.

Remus rubbed his temples as he settled into his chair to start reading his book. But he couldn't concentrate for the memory of her soft lips on his cheek. _It was just a friendly kiss on the cheek! _He thought.

_Yeah but Sirius didn't get one._

_Ah, but I was closer. _

_She likes you._

_No she doesn't. _"She could never be interested in an old monster like me..." He tried to focus on the words of his book. It was going to be a long night.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all its characters etc. belong to JK Rowling.**

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Chapter 5**  
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_The walls seemed to be closing in around her as Hermione shrank further back into the dark corner. She didn't know how long she'd been in the cell but it felt like sometime. Maybe they would forget about her and she could just fade away into the blackness… dissolve and find freedom in oblivion. _

_Hermione's breath hitched in her throat as a dull clang echoed through the cellar-turned-prison. Her skin was caked in grime, blood, and humiliatingly her own filth. They hadn't even given her a chamber pot. She had spent a lot of time weeping after her first few interrogations and the long hours in the cell, but now the tears had been replaced with a hollowness that hardened soul and wished for a quick and merciful death. After everything that had happened to her, death was so much more appealing than any vain hopes of escape or rescue. _

_Still, she would not make this easy for them. No. She hadn't revealed any secrets no matter how inventive her torturers were. Hermione might have been subjugated into letting them have her body but she would not betray her friends. _

_Sometimes, in the long hours spent huddled in her cell, she replayed the moments before she was captured. She had been such an insufferable know-it-all; spoilt brat storming off after arguing with Fred about their relationship. Faultless logic abandoned with her quill and parchment, she had flung the door open and marched outside of the burrow's wards. Hermione found it ironic that she lectured Fred, Harry, and Ron about taking stupid risks, but she wandered moodily into certain death without a single thought. _

_Footsteps echoed down the hallway and she folded into herself. "I have a desire to see the mudblood today, Nott," Said a male voice that sent nausea rising from her stomach._

"_Where do you want her Lucius?" Asked Nott, his voice contained a hint of excitement. _

"_Interrogation room. Hang her in the cuffs, I want to watch her squirm." _

_Hermione squeezed her eyes shut as she was dragged from her cell by rough hands. Even though she knew it was useless she struggled against Nott's grip. In the end he hit her temple with something blunt and heavy and she fell into a blessed blankness. _

_Hermione awoke to the searing sensation in her wrists and her screaming shoulders. Manacles suspended her tantalizing inches from the floor. Naked and quivering she looked around wildly at the Malfoys' interrogation room. She wondered whether he would use instruments on her today or if he would simply use his own body to abuse and break her. He was coming…_

_The blast sent heat and dust flying towards her as a wall crumbled in. Lucius Malfoy lay unconscious on the floor and Remus and Sirius stepped into the room. Another figure followed – "Fred!" But he seemed to melt away before her sight. _

_Suddenly she was in the Weasley's back garden kissing his lips softly but everything flashed and she was now pressing her lips to his dead and lifeless cheek, a trail of blood creeping from one side of his mouth. She screamed – _

Hermione sat up with a gasp to find herself in bed at Grimmauld Place. She was safe. The semi-darkness told her it was nearly morning and she slipped out of bed pulling on the shirt that Remus had lent her the evening before. Merlin! Her head was throbbing! Goddamn alcohol.

She opened the door cautiously and peered around into the hallway. She couldn't hear anything and so she slid through the doorway and crept downstairs, the wood flooring smooth and cold on her bare feet. A glass of water, a shot of firewhiskey, and then she'd go back upstairs and collect her things to –

"Hermione?" She froze at the voice and twisted around. Remus sat slumped in an armchair, a book balancing tenuously on the arm and a glass of whiskey in his hand.

"Oh, Remus," She said faintly surprised and embarrassed that he had caught her. She'd rather hoped she could slip out before any of them saw her.

"Nightmares?" He asked running a hand across his temples and tired eyes.

"How did you –"

"People don't come through what you did and not have nightmares, 'Mione." The way the soft lamplight fell erased some of the lines from his face and grey from his hair.

"I'm fine," She said, sniffing and pushing away any stray thoughts about him.

"Nightcap?" He asked gesturing towards the bottle.

"Well… if you insist…" She said with a wry smile. It was so easy to fall back into a semblance of familiarity with him.

Remus handed her a generous glass of whiskey. They drank in companionable silence. She only noticed that she was flashing rather a lot of leg half way through the glass. Hermione hated herself when her eyes raked across his bare chest. His body was lean and lightly muscled, scars crisscrossing in tantalizing patterns over his skin. When she saw his scars she wanted to erase them and the hurts they had caused him.

No! She couldn't start feeling things for him. Attraction was one thing, but caring about someone other than Fred? That was betrayal.

"Do you miss Tonks?" She blurted out suddenly. Remus looked up at her, seemingly startled by her question. Upon reflection it may have been an insensitive thing to ask.

"Of course," Remus replied, his amber eyes considering her.

"Do you think you'll ever… you know?" Hermione said, starting to feel awkward.

"What're you asking? Do I think I'll ever find someone else? Or do I think I'll ever have sex again?" He asked wryly. Hermione shifted in her seat. She was fairly sure that his slightly unfocused eyes had swept appreciatively over her legs.

"Both," She said.

"Well sex is just sex if there's no emotion behind it…"

"So I take it that you have since she…"

"Died? Hermione you can say the word, skirting around it doesn't make it any less real. And yes I have. Not that it meant anything mind you but sometimes the loneliness just gets too much, I suppose."

She watched him as a complex expression passed over his face. "I thought that if I got drunk enough, fucked enough guys, and hid away from magic then maybe I would… I don't know…"

"Maybe it would hurt less?" He said, smiling sympathetically.

"I don't need your pity," She snapped.

"My pity?" Remus laughed bitterly. "Trust me Hermione, of the two of us I am surely more pitiful."

"Hmph," She answered sullenly.

"I'm going to bed now, I guess I'll see you later," He said standing.

"Okay," She said. Some part of her wanted him to stay. Maybe some part of her was hoping that they could've found solace in each other.

Remus halted by the door and turned halfway towards her. She observed him as the shadows fell across his face. "Oh and Hermione?"

"Yes?"

"I tried to run away from the past after Lily and James died and everyone thought Sirius was to blame. I blamed myself and acted like a completely selfish arsehole. But as far as I knew, everyone I cared about was dead or gone. It didn't excuse my behavior but at least when I bailed out I didn't leave anyone behind."

"You think I'm a coward?" She said, a rising tide of fury surging in her mind.

"I think that you're not the only person who lost something special in the war. You lost a lover but Molly and Arthur lost a son, their kids a brother, and many others a friend."

"What are you saying Remus?" She spat, twisting to meet his eyes. He had turned away again.

"I'm saying that you're not the only person who still feels the losses from the war."

Hermione let the silence descend and Remus' footsteps fade away. Tears sprang up and welled in her eyes. Remus' words cut too close to home. "But the others have each other," she whispered. Without a single thought for her attire, or that her belongings were upstairs, Hermione flew from the lounge and out into the night before she disapparated with a faint pop.

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**A/N: Hope you enjoyed!My first attempt at exploring Hermione's experiences in the war via flashback. Would appreciate any feedback on that :)  
**

**Scribbles xx**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all its characters etc. belong to JK Rowling.**

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews everyone :) Just to warn everyone, this chapter has scene involving attempted suicide. **

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****Chapter 6

Remus stared up at the dusty cream canopy that hung over the four-poster bed. _Bollocks_. That was about the only sentiment he could drag up. He really should give up drinking firewhiskey, it did terrible things to his ability to say the right things… and now he thought about it, it did terrible things to his head too.

_Ugh_. Remus pushed himself out of bed with a grunt and ran a hand through his mussed sandy hair. He was pretty sure that if he didn't get some water soon then he would look more like a raisin than a man. He staggered over to the pyjama bottoms he'd left lying around on the chair in the corner of his room and put them on clumsily. He wasn't sure if he could face getting dressed yet.

His bedroom door screeched caustically as Remus opened it and padded softly down the stairs. "Morning sunshine," Sirius croaked, hunched over a cup of tea at the kitchen table.

"You look roughly how I feel," Remus replied filling a glass with water and collapsing into the chair opposite. "I'm too old for hangovers, Padfoot. Put me out of my misery," He said hoarsely as his stomach twisted threateningly.

"Mmph. No, you're suffering with me, and I love myself too much to kill myself," Sirius replied, a grin about a hundred watts dimmer than his usual beaming smile spread across his pale face.

"So where's Hermione?" Remus asked, rubbing his hand across his eyes, trying to get rid of his headache.

"Mate, she's not here...left all her stuff here too," Sirius replied with a shrug.

"Gone?" Remus exclaimed while twitching as he nearly leapt from his seat, before realising that his body was not going to cooperate this morning.

"Don't ask me. You didn't make a move on her and scare her off, did you Mooney?" Sirius teased.

"Ugh, shut up..."

No he hadn't made a move but he was pretty sure he could remember saying something to her and walking off. Actually, what had he said? "Oh fuck!" He exclaimed as his drink-addled memory finally caught up with his question.

"Mooney, you old devil!" Sirius laughed.

"No, I didn't fucking make a move on her, okay? I think I said something..." Remus groaned inwardly as the scene repeated itself over in his mind.

"Well don't leave me hanging," Sirius said levitating some bread into the toaster.

"I can't remember my exact words..."

"Paraphrase."

"Shite. Well we were talking about her missing Fred, and I may have slightly implied that screwing muggles in clubs and drinking herself to death wasn't exactly good. And when I say that, I mean that I may have implied that she was a selfish, spoilt brat, who hadn't considered that she wasn't the only person to lose someone in the war."

Quite frankly he didn't complain when Sirius charmed his glass of water to pour over his head. He deserved it.

Remus wiped some of the water out of his eyes and scowled at the table. "You really are a first-class twat," Sirius said standing up.

"I know..." Remus lowered his head to the table with a soft clunk.

"Well I say we send an owl to harry, meet him for a greasy fry up and then attempt to return Hermione's things to her," Sirius said turning to scrabble around a draw in the kitchen unit to find a bit of parchment.

"Merlin, I hope she's safe. I mean a half-dressed girl looking like her and running around London on a Friday night... I'm such an idiot," Remus groaned to himself.

"Woah! Half-dressed?" Sirius exclaimed while dipping his quill into an ink pot.

"Not in the way you're thinking," He cut in quickly.

"Shame. Anyway I would like to take this opportunity to point out that if you're worrying this much about her, you blatantly fancy her."

"Only you!" Remus exclaimed standing up from the table. "Only you would be that shallow at a time like this!" He turned to stalk out of the room and get dressed.

"Oi, Mooney. Find Archimedes and send him off with the note to Harry."

Remus clattered into the study and observed the small brown owl that gave him a disgruntled hoot. "Stupid cat," He muttered as he bent down to pick up the fluffy feline eyeing up the owl that was easily twice the size of the kitten. He dropped the cat lightly outside and opened the cage, tying the small scroll to the owl's leg. "Archimedes, take this to Harry Potter and wait for his reply," He said slowly, opening the window for the owl to disappear. Before he even thought about breakfast or ruminated any more on last night he needed a shower.

As he gingerly pushed his bacon around his plate Remus half-listened to Harry and Sirius talking. He really wasn't sure if he could stomach anything other than the dry toast he'd just eaten. "You gonna eat that, mate?" Harry asked.

"Go for it," Remus replied pushing his plate over to the bespectacled young man opposite him.

"So Mooney decided that the best way of courting Hermione was by upsetting her," Sirius said.

"I wasn't courting, flirting, or attempting anything of any romantic persuasion," Remus interrupted as Harry raised his eyebrows.

"Long story short, we need to find her so we can check she's okay and give her back the things she left at Grimmauld place," Sirius said in between mouthfuls of sausage and egg.

"How was she? I haven't really seen or spoken to her in a few months, not with the second baby arriving..." Harry said with a guilty frown.

"Drunk," Sirius said with a shrug.

"Yeah... she seems to have done quite a lot of that since Fred died..." said Harry, worry making little lines on his forehead. Merlin, he did look like James!

Remus sipped his tea impatiently. "Well, the address I have might not be up to date but it's the best I can give you," Harry said while wiping grease off his fingers on a napkin.

"Better than no address," Sirius replied before settling back in his chair and burping.

"Last place I visited her at was a flat not too far from here. Flat 5 at 66 Lansdowne St," Harry said. "And now I really have to go, Ginny'll kill me if I don't get back on time to take Albus swimming!"

"See you," Remus grumbled, shaking Harry's hand.

"Give us a hug!" Sirius exclaimed and folded his godson in a big bear hug.

"We'll arrange a boy's night in soon," Harry promised before leaving the cafe.

"I still have problems putting the name 'Albus' to a toddler rather than an old, bearded wizard," Sirius said grinning. Remus smiled in spite of himself.

"Well, let's get this over with," Remus said before draining his tea.

The flat block was not where he would have imagined Hermione to live. The brickwork was dark and stained by car fumes, and quite frankly it looked dilapidated. They walked up concrete steps to the second floor, and walked on the graffiti ridden balcony before they found her door. The red paint was flaking and the number 5 clung tenuously to the door. "Nice place," Sirius commented as they were nearly run over by a teenager on a BMX.

"She has no wards," Remus commented. "Stupid girl!" He felt so angry that Hermione would put herself at risk like that. Voldemort may be gone but there were still wizards out there that would love to hurt her for the things she did during the war and the part she played in Voldemort's downfall.

Sirius raised his eyebrows at him. "I wouldn't open your apology that way," He said, patting Remus on the shoulder.

"Shut up," Remus replied before he knocked on the door.

No answer.

After three more tries he was starting to get worried. What if she hadn't made it back? What if she apparated and splinched herself? He had to know if she was in there. Remus pulled his wand out of his pocket and muttered "alohamora."

"You're breaking in?" Sirius asked, slightly amused, as the door swung in.

"Like you've never done anything like this," Remus snorted in reply.

"Not to a girl I'm trying to sleep with!"

"I'm not trying to sleep with her!" He hissed in reply and stepped over the threshold into a bare and narrow hallway. "I'll, uh, wait by the door," Sirius said as Remus walked down the hallway poking his head into the kitchen and the bedroom.

With only the lounge left, Remus was not hopeful that she would be in the flat. There was an ominous feeling in the pit of his stomach as he opened the lounge door. His body reacted before his mind registered the situation and he flew forwards into the room.

"Hermione!" He exclaimed, falling to his knees and rolling her delicate form onto her back. Her eyes were closed and her chest barely rising and falling. "What have you done?" He whispered to her, pulling her limp form into his arms and cradling her close. Hermione's long curls were splayed over his arm and he pushed tendrils of hair off her face so he could check if she was breathing.

It was the longest second before he heard her shallow breath hitch. Still alive...just. "Sirius, get in here!" He shouted, trying to blink back tears. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," He whispered over and over into her ear.

"Shit," He heard Sirius mumble as he entered the room. "Sleeping pills," Sirius said, holding out the empty bottle of pills and another empty bottle of vodka.

"Fuck! We need to get her to St Mungo's. Apparate and I'll meet you there," Remus said, rushing to slip his wand back into his pocket.

As Sirius disappeared, Remus leant over and kissed Hermione's forehead. "You're going to be okay Hermione. Please be okay. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry..." He whispered to her in a mantra as he cradled her close and disapparated.

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**A/N: Well that was a bit darker than some of the other chapters but I promise that soon it'll cheer up and there'll be more Remus/Hermione interaction :P Thanks for reading :)**

**Love Scribbles xx**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters or anything else from Harry Potter, this all belongs to JK Rowling.**

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Chapter 7**  
**

Was this death?

Hermione felt numb all over but aware of the weight of the darkness. The first time she tried to open her eyes, she couldn't. Suddenly she was consumed with anger and regret. This wasn't right! All of the feelings and memories were supposed to stop now...

_To die, to sleep... perchance to dream...for when we die what dreams to may come, when we have shuffled off this mortal coil... _

She lay unmoving, her thoughts temporarily stilled by the comfort of reciting words. She supposed that if this was death then Shakespeare must've been onto something in Hamlet. Not that it mattered. Not that she actually cared. It was just a comfort to recite words from books, they were safe. Words written by someone else were just things she could relate to, they had absolutely no connection to her.

Hermione realised very suddenly that she could hear something. Was it footsteps? She tried to open her eyes again and this time lamplight flooded into vision. Temporarily blinded, she felt like laughing hysterically. She wasn't trapped in an eternal state of remembrance and regret.

"Hermione?" Someone asked softly from beside her. As her eyes adjusted to the light she turned to look at the source of the voice. When she recognised the figure perched on the edge of a seat near the bed she nearly sobbed with relief. She wasn't dead. Had she ever really wanted to die or was it just a final attempt to shut out all her guilt? Fuck it. What did it matter anyway?

She took a deep breath and pushed herself up. "Sirius?" She said looking at the man in the chair.

"Hey 'Mione. Nice sleep?" He asked. She could see dark circles under his eyes.

"Wha – where – ?" She couldn't force the words out.

"You're in St Mungos." Hermione rubbed her eyes and took in the cubicle she was in, sectioned off from the ward with curtains.

"Oh no," She said suddenly humiliated at her actions. It must have been Sirius that found her. Oh bollocks, she really didn't mean to inconvenience everyone.

"Remus and I came to give you the things you left at mine. But, uh, we found you, uh... well you know," He said, waving his hand nonchalantly as his sentence tailed off.

"I'm so sorry!" She squeaked.

"No apologising," He said, smiling reassuringly. "Everyone's been really worried you know. The only reason Mooney isn't glued to this chair is because it was the full moon last night."

Hermione knew that it was wrong for her to feel good that Remus was here. It was terrible to feel pleased when she'd just put someone through the hassle of having to make sure she as alive. "Uh...How long have I been out?" She asked croakily, shuffling up to lean her back against the headboard despite the protestation of her aching body.

"Couple of days," _Bloody flames!_ "You've had loads of visitors though. Harry, Ron, Luna, Ginny, Molly, Arthur, the rest of the Weasleys, McGonagall, and loads of others!" Sirius seemed to think this would cheer her up. All it succeeded in doing was bringing tears to her eyes. "What wrong?" He asked softly.

"I – feel – so – bad!" She sobbed. Before she could stop it, all of the sadness she felt spilled out. "I'm so fucking selfish. I'm so embarrassed that everyone knows!"

"Don't be ridiculous," Snapped a reassuring female voice.

"M-mrs Weasley?" Hermione said, sniffing. The matronly redhead bustled into the cubicle and before Hermione could say anything had enfolded her in a great big hug.

It had been so very long since she'd had a maternal figure. So long since she'd been hugged with the reassuring cooing of a mother. "We've all been so worried about you for the last few months," Molly said, settling herself on the side of the bed. "Don't you dare blame yourself! We all make mistakes, we all go through bad times, but it's family that gets us through. I know you miss your parents but Hermione," She continued brushing some hair off Hermione's forehead. "Arthur and I, we think of you like a second daughter. So don't you ever hesitate to come round and eat our food and get away from everything. Okay?"

"Thank you," Hermione said. She felt as though an enormous weight had been lifted off her shoulders. They didn't blame her for Fred. They still cared. They loved her.

Later in the day, after some lunch, Hermione and Sirius sat playing chess on the bed. It was then that Remus stuck his head around the curtains.

Hermione was immediately drawn to him. He looked like he hadn't slept for days. "Hey Padfoot, can you give us a minute?" Remus asked, smiling reassuringly at Hermione.

"Sure," Sirius said, bounding from the room.

Remus sat on the chair by the bed. "Remus I –"

"Don't apologise," He said taking her hand, stroking lazy circles with his thumb on her palm. "I've got a present for you..."

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**A/N: Thanks so much for all the reviews guys! Sorry this is a bit of a short chapter, hopefully the next will be a little longer. Oh and I take no credit for the 3****rd**** paragraph, that's nicked from Shakespeare's 'Hamlet'. **


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything from Harry Potter, that belongs to JK Rowling.**

**A/N: Sorry about the long delay in updates, I've been swamped with real life recently! Anyway here is my long overdue update.**

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****Chapter 8

Remus had been standing outside the curtained cubicle for the last fifteen minutes, but somehow he still hadn't found the courage to go in. The reason that Hermione was in here was his damn fault. If only he hadn't been drinking so close to the full moon...

Adjusting the brown package he finally pulled the curtains aside.

Hermione still looked frail but the sleep she'd had at the hospital seemed to have restored a little glimmer of the spark that had made her so unique. Despite the increasingly irritating argument occurring between the wolf and his overtly logical conscience, Remus had to admit that she looked beautiful considering what move to make next in her game of chess.

"Hey Padfoot, can you give us a minute?" Remus asked, smiling reassuringly at Hermione.

"Sure," Sirius said, bounding from the room.

Remus sat on the chair by the bed. "Remus I –"

"Don't apologise," He said taking her hand, stroking lazy circles with his thumb on her palm. "I've got a present for you..."

Remus pulled out the package wrapped in brown paper and handed it to her. Now that it was in her hands and she was examining it he felt incredibly self-conscious. Was it the right thing to give her? Would she think it was too forward of him to get her a present? Now he thought about it, the present might make her feel even worse.

"Is it a book?" She asked, tilting her head and looking at him with a little sparkle in her eyes. Remus smiled but said nothing. Actually, any crying or anger was worth it for that faint look in her eyes that reminded him of the old Hermione.

His heart began to pound as she opened it and flicked through the pages he had spent the last two days compiling. Remus watched as Hermione ran her hands down pictures that he had stuck in and read little notations he had added.

Remus tensed as she finally looked up and met his eyes. Bollocks, she was crying...

"Remus..." She began in a choked voice.

"If you don't like it I can take it back..."

"No no!" She exclaimed. "I just... well... why?" She asked simply, observing him in a way that brought a blush to his cheeks.

"After Tonks died... I uh, well I felt like I'd lost myself. I wanted to give up and I sort of forgot about everything else apart from the moments when she'd died. Sirius tried everything to cheer me up and to get me to move on but I felt like the last thing I ever wanted to do was move on... it felt like I was betraying her," Remus said, stopping to clear his throat. "But one day Sirius said something to me that snapped me out of my grief. I realised that somewhere in between grieving her and the life we could have had, I'd started to pity myself more than feel sad about her. Sirius reminded me that even though I had lost someone who had been a big part of my life, I was still alive and that there was more in my past than the memories of her dying. There was more to me than her death. I've slowly come to understand that I will always miss her and no one will take her place but there is space in me for new things to happen, new people to find new places in my heart, and that as well as tragedy there have been some really great things that have happened in the past.

"I can't apologise enough for saying what I said to you the other night. It was tactless and unkind. But after we brought you here I started asking people for photographs of you at school, you and Fred, and to write down things they love about you and memories they have of you. I wanted to show you that even though you lost someone irreplaceable, you were still irreplaceable to a lot of other people and that there is more to your life than grief."

Remus stared at his knees as he finished speaking and waited for her to shout at him or tell him to take away the book. Finally she spoke. "Thank you."

He had to admit that he was surprised at her reaction and Remus glanced up at her. She was smiling at him. "You've put so much effort into this... and thank you so much for your book Remus!"

"Hermione," He said quietly and entwined his hand with hers. "The book isn't mine. Or anyone else's who contributed. It isn't even about the war, or Hogwarts, or Fred. These are _your_ pages. This book is you. This book is your intelligence, beauty, your successes, and your joys. But it is also your flaws, your mistakes, and your grief."

He stood up and blushed at his forwardness. _Ah shit... I really shouldn't have said all that. She must think I'm a creep_. _Oh well...now I've started I might as well finish_. Remus thought as he walked to the curtain and turned back slightly. "Just look at your pages 'Mione, look at yourself. You can't define yourself by your actions, your triumphs, or failures. Because you are infinitely more complex... you are a beautiful person not just for the good things but also for the bad things."

Remus pulled the curtain closed and strode down the ward, leaving a silent (and probably disgusted) Hermione behind him. Well it was done. Maybe he had made a difference, maybe he hadn't. Either way he was going back to Grimmauld Place to curl up with a book and try to forget that he had made a complete tit of himself.

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**A/N: So, I hope people enjoyed reading this. I'm not entirely happy with it but hopefully I can make up for it in the next chapter :P Oh and I hope it wasn't too fluffy for people! **


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything from Harry Potter, all of this belongs to JK Rowling etc. **

**A/N: Thanks to everyone that reviewed – especially those who have done so consistently. I fling chocolates lovingly to you all! Sorry for the long delay in writing, I've had a lot of things to do in RL recently, so apologies for the short chapter. I'll try and make the next one better :P**

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Chapter 9

Hermione sat staring at the place where Remus had stood a few seconds before. With her mouth still opened in surprise she watched as the hospital curtain waved in the aftermath of Remus' rather hasty exit. Hermione felt as though someone had screamed a revelation in her ear and then thrown her off the side of a tall building. While realising how selfish she had been, she also realised how much people cared for her and how much she cared for them (especially for one particularly lupine friend). All in all it contributed in a feeling of nauseating vertigo.

Sirius waltzed back in and settled himself on the chair next to her bed, unaware of the strange butterflies in Hermione's stomach, or the slightly green tinge that spread across her face in the wake of a few rather alarming home truths.

"Moony was in rather a hurry!"

Sirius' voice startled her and suddenly the weight of her epiphanies crashed down on her. She barely registered Sirius' shriek as she vomited over the side of the bed and down his trouser leg.

Catching her breath, Hermione panted over the side of the bed with a little dribble clinging to her lips.

"My Armani trousers!" Cried Sirius as he launched out of the cubicle and ran down the hall shouting. "Emergency! Code greeeeeeeen!"

A few hours later Hermione stood in the reception of St Mungo's with Sirius heavy coat engulfing her slim figure.

"Are you sure you won't come and stay with us?" Molly Weasley asked.

"Mrs Weasley, I really appreciate the offer but I just think that all the memories that the Burrow holds would be too much for me to deal with at the moment."

"If you're sure dear. Just remember that we're only a floo away!"

Hermione smiled in response as Molly gave her a warm and motherly embrace before leaving the hospital.

"Are you done yet Sirius?" Hermione asked, shuffling from one foot to the other. The smell of the antiseptic and the bustle of people was beginning to inflame a familiar anxiety.

"Almost done!" Sirius responded from his hunched position over the discharge forms.

"Good!" Hermione frowned and idly felt at her hair for tangles. "Will Remus be home?" She asked as Sirius handed the paperwork and quill back to the secretary.

"Most likely," He replied and turned to escort her out of the hospital.

As Sirius opened the door to Grimmauld Place, Hermione felt grateful of the warm and homely smell in comparison to the clinical tang she had been exposed to for the last few days.

"Ah! Home, dusty home!" Sirius exclaimed as he threw his jacket in the vague direction of the coat stand. Hermione smile fondly and hung up the coat and jacket.

"Now, I think I'm going to bake some chocolate brownies!" Sirius exclaimed and hurried off to the kitchen leaving Hermione standing in the hallway.

Everything seemed up in the air. The last few days felt like a strange, hazy blur and a part of her still felt shocked that she had woken up in the same place she'd tried to leave. In the familiar hallway Hermione could almost feel the ghosts of memories. But even though there was a sadness that refused to disappear in her chest, she ruminated upon Remus' words and how thoughtful he had been to give her such a gift. Hermione realised that the sense that Remus understood her in a way others couldn't had intensified over the last few days. At the moment she couldn't fully comprehend the ways in which he made her feel safe but Hermione knew that as long as she stayed in the old manor house she would be cared for and understood.

Slowly her feet began to move towards the library, as if the gravitational pull of literature was suddenly irresistible to her. In the room filled with oak bookshelves and the scent of old parchment she felt like she was coming home. Some part of her that had been dormant since the final battle had suddenly awoken and she had a thirst to immerse herself back into the haven of academia and a world she knew. There was something comforting in coming back to the wizarding world, some kind of fulfilment. Hermione knew she had to apologise to Remus for acting as she had, and she also knew that this would be the first in a long line in apologies.

Hermione found Remus absorbed in a book and reclining in a plush library chair. His light hair flopped into his amber eyes and he was frowning a little in contemplation. There was something irresistible about the way that he sighed and ran his free hand through his hair as he read something particularly interesting or surprising.

Where were these feelings coming from? She wondered to herself. Hermione had always had a little crush on Remus since he became their Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher in her third year, but still she had never imagined that those feelings would mature and come back after being alienated from the magical world for so long.

"Oh! Hermione!" Remus exclaimed suddenly, standing up from his chair and dropping his book. "How are you?" He asked in a slightly flustered tone while rumpling his hair unconsciously.

"I'm actually okay," Hermione replied, surprising herself with the truth of her own words. "I just thought I should, uh, come and, uh, thank you and apologise... I mean... Thank you for such a thoughtful gift. I hadn't imagined that anyone would think of something like that, let alone that it would get through to me..."

"I, um, I'm glad I could help," He replied nervously, scooting away from his table. "If you were looking for solitude I'll be going now, just treat this place like your home for as long as you stay here."

Hermione grasped his hand as he passed by her, small fizzles of electric seemed to ignite as their skin met. "You don't need to go Remus..." She said. _What am I thinking?_ Hermione looked into his amber eyes that seemed conflicted. She was very aware of his tongue as it darted out to whet his lips. _Am I really considering kissing him_? She wondered as her face neared his even more.

_Your professor!_

_Not for a long time!_

_But still, he wouldn't want some damaged whore like you!_

Hermione turned away from Remus but his hand pulled her back.

Before she knew what was happening, his lips crashed down to hers. Oh gods, his lips were searing against hers and the vague taste of chocolate clung to his tongue as he ran it against her bottom lip, seeking entrance. She raised her arms and entangled a hand in his hair, the other stroking the back of his neck. Hermione felt all coherent thought leave her as the bookcase nudged against her and the kiss deepened.

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**A/N: Hope everyone enjoyed reading. As always, feel free to leave reviews/suggestions/criticisms – I appreciate them all :D**

**Scribbles**

**xx**


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything about Harry Potter, it all belongs to JK Rowling etc.**

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Chapter 10

_Before she knew what was happening, his lips crashed down to hers. Oh gods, his lips were searing against hers and the vague taste of chocolate clung to his tongue as he ran it against her bottom lip, seeking entrance. She raised her arms and entangled a hand in his hair, the other stroking the back of his neck. Hermione felt all coherent thought leave her as the bookcase nudged against her and the kiss deepened..._

As Hermione's nails scraped lightly over his scalp, Remus groaned into her lips. The witch seemed to be pouring pain and passion into his very being with every caress of her tongue. Remus could feel his heart pounding in his chest as he felt her hand snake under his shirt. The wolf liked where this was going and if he was honest he didn't mind either, not when the woman running her hands down his sides and passionately kissing him was Hermione –

Oh shit. Hermione.

Remus froze and stepped back slightly awkwardly, staggering into the desk. She looked flawless, a vision of unearthly beauty, as she stood with her eyelashes grazing her cheeks flushed with desire and her lips still parted. All he wanted to do was kiss her again, the wolf was howling inside him.

But this was Hermione. Not just some beautiful, intelligent witch but a beautiful, intelligent witch that he had known since she was thirteen. Merlin, he had been best friends with her best friend's father. This was so wrong. He knew she must be vulnerable. What had he been thinking? Remus willed himself to say something but no words came out.

This was not just some accidental kiss through grief or alcohol or any mitigating factors. Remus was horribly aware that he had kissed her because he wanted to. And now he was going to have to live with her.

Hermione still hadn't moved and so he dragged himself to his senses and left the library as fast as he could, not once looking back up at her. She had to hate him now. A man – no, a werewolf – old enough to be her father who was a former teacher she trusted had effectively just sexually assaulted her. _She wanted us as much as we wanted her, human_. The wolf growled.

_Go away. This is your fault_. He countered while slipping on the first pair of shoes he came to.

_We could smell her desire and we felt her body respond_.

_You experienced what you wanted to experience. _Remus shrugged on a coat. "She would never want us, me. I'm too old and broken," He said quietly as he closed the front door softly behind him and stepped onto the street outside.

Remus sat in an obscure muggle coffee shop sipping at yet another mug. He had been running in circles mentally for the last few hours since the... incident.

"You snog a steaming hotty, then look at her like she is Snivellus in a Burlesque outfit, and then instead of going to drown your woes in a bottle of firewhiskey you end up in some grimy muggle shop drinking that shite." Remus let out a barely audible groan as he recognised the voice.

"Piss off," Remus replied and dropped his head into his hands.

"That," Sirius said as he seated himself across from him. "Is a very rude way to greet the guy who (if you take his advice) is going to get you laid."

Remus raised his head again and looked at Sirius with a mixture of exasperation and disbelief. "You are not suggesting that at a time like this," He said shaking his head. "I have just sexually assaulted a former pupil who is young enough to be my daughter and now you're going to give me advice on how to further take advantage of her vulnerable state?"

"Well... when you put it like that..." Sirius mumbled with a sniff.

"There is no other way to put it, you overgrown mutt."

"Jesus Christ Moony! From the way she was kissing you back there is no way that you 'assaulted' her. Oh and this "I'm Remus and I'm a poor, old werewolf who isn't worth your time act" is getting really, really old, okay?" Sirius snapped as he snatched Remus' coffee and took a big swig.

Remus watched blankly as Sirius let his mouthful of coffee fall back into the mug again. "That. Is. Disgusting. It's not coffee, you're supposed to be able to drink coffee not have it so thick it gets confused with marmite. Ack!"

"Look Sirius. I know you are trying to help but whether she realises it or not, I took advantage of her," He replied pushing the spoiled coffee away.

"How exactly?" Sirius asked with a quirk of his eyebrow.

"Well she's just been released from hospital after a suicide attempt that was prompted by my words and mainly because she still isn't over the loss of her dead boyfriend. And then I kissed her. She doesn't need some lecherous bloke dribbling all over her when she's in a situation like that!"

It hurt to admit that to himself and then he had a terrible thought. What if she had been imagining Fred when she kissed him? That would be a hundred times worse than if she had pushed him away and told him he was foul and perverted. How was he going to solve this? Maybe he could ask the Weasley's if he could crash at theirs for a bit... no Molly would be too curious... maybe Harry. On second thoughts the earful he would get from Ginny would be almost as bad as Molly.

Sirius sighed and stood up. "Look mate. Stay out if you want but I can tell you right now that when I dropped Hermione off at Harry's just after you left, she was more upset about the fact that you think she is a repulsive whore than you kissing her."

"I don't think that!" Remus exclaimed and stood up.

"Well that's what she thinks. Come on, we'll go home, I'll serve you some of my amazing chocolate brownies and then when she comes home you can talk. But trust me, the girl is upset about you stopping kissing her rather than anything else."

Remus considered Sirius' words for a few minutes before moving towards the front door. Sirius clapped a hand around his shoulder. "Good lad... now remember this time when you speak to her do not on any account give a lecture."

Remus looked at Sirius and smacked him on the back of the head in response.

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**A/N: Okay so here is a rather overdue chapter, I had to go away for a week. I know it's not amazing but my creativity seems to be a little sporadic of late. Anyway I hope that you enjoyed it – Let me know if you did/didn't or have any questions/would like to see something happen in the fic.**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Scribbles.**

**xx**


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything… blah blah blah… it all belongs to JK Rowling… you know the rest. **

**A/N: Sorry for the supremely overdue update. My plot bunnies have decided to run away *shakes fist at retreating bunnies*. Thanks for all your reviews – they mean a lot to me :D Oh and I think I'll be wrapping this fic up in a few chapters so I'd be really interested to know your opinions on endings and things you'd like to see. I'm away this weekend but I'll probably have chapter 12 up by the middle of next week! Anyway, ejoy!**

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****Chapter 11

Hermione sat at the Potters' kitchen table with her head in her hands as she stared down into the enormous mug of cocoa that Ginny had pushed in front of her. She felt absolutely humiliated in so many ways. Firstly she had to be deposited at a responsible adult's house so they could keep an eye on her, like a bloody child! _Although_, she thought,_ that's what happens when you try and fail to top yourself_! Secondly, she could not believe that she had actually thrown herself at a man she'd harbored a crush on for years… only to have him stagger away horrified.

She knew that she wasn't that pretty and that in the Wizarding world she had no reputation for relaxing and was generally regarded as a prudish bookworm. But the truth was, when Remus had pushed her away she felt like the biggest idiot ever and the most undesirable woman on the planet. Hermione knew that he must think of her as a complete slut. And to make matters worse, a desperate slut.

Bollocks. How the hell was she supposed to live in the same house as him after that? This was probably the biggest cock-up she'd made for quite some time. _How did I manage to let myself lose all sanity like that? I'm meant to be the bloody logical Hermione Smartest-Witch-Of-Her-Age Granger, for Merlin's sake! _She heaved a sigh and glanced up at Harry and Ginny who were sitting opposite her.

"Hermione, you've sat staring into that cocoa for half an hour… what's wrong?" Harry asked gently.

"I fucked up big time," She replied with a sniff as she held back tears of frustration.

"Well, tell us what happened and we'll see if we can fix it," Ginny coaxed.

"Yeah, I mean 'Mione you know we'll still love you even if you did something terrible," Harry said, patting her hand.

"But this was really bad," She cried.

"A problem shared is a problem halved," Ginny said softly.

Hermione took a deep breath. "I kissed Remus okay! And I don't mean a light peck. I mean a full frontal snog with all the freaking trimmings!" Hermione's words came out as an exasperated garbled mess.

"Wow," Ginny muttered. "Was it good?"

"Okaaaay…" Harry interjected. "Look I've got absolutely no problem with you and Remus, 'Mione. But quite frankly as I regard you as a sister, listening to you talk about snogging is just plain creepy. So I'll be off to check the kids." Harry hastily left the table.

Ginny grinned at his retreating form. "I try and try to make him less sexually repressed but I think I'm fighting a losing battle," Ginny said with a shake of her head.

"It was terrible," Hermione groaned.

"Really? I'd always had Remus down as a good kisser, I mean he was a marauder!" Ginny said with a touch of surprise.

"No, no!" Hermione exclaimed straightening up slightly. "The kiss was… unbelievable, wonderful, and perfect. It was great until…" Her hands tightened around the mug of cocoa.

"Until?"

"Until he staggered away and left without a word because I'm such a repulsive whore!" She wailed miserably.

The one reaction that she didn't expect from Ginny was for her to laugh. Hermione sat staring slightly open-mouthed at Ginny as she cackled with laughter.

"See, even you think that!"

"Oh no, Hermione, no, it's not that. Hang on, let me catch my breath." Ginny stifled her laughter and steadied her breathing. "To be honest, you and Remus are perfect for each other. The problem is that you're such responsible people. You think you caused it and was rash but he's probably thinking that he's some sort of lecherous old man because he used to teach you! Honestly, it you go back to Grimmauld and talk to him I'm sure that you'll realize that all this was a huge issue of self-deprecating Gryffindors who can't communicate!"

"Really?" Hermione asked hopefully.

"Really, really," Ginny replied. "Now piss off to the floo and get home. I have to make sure that the image of his best friend kissing his almost uncle hasn't put Harry into a catatonic state!"

Hermione stood up and gave Ginny a grateful hug. "Thank you," She said.

"No worries. Now go speak to him and keep me updated, okay?" Hermione nodded in reply and grabbed a handful of floo powder.

When she tumbled out of the floo Hermione was greeted with the smell of baking. Her stomach rumbled conspiratorially and in light of everything that had happened she felt partial to putting herself into some sort of sugar-induced coma.

Hermione padded to the kitchen after making sure that Remus and Sirius weren't in the room and immediately saw a plate of appetizing chocolate brownies. Without hesitation she crammed one into her mouth greedily.

"Nice aren't they?" Hermione startled at the voice. She turned swiftly with her hair wild, eyes puffy, and her cheeks stuffed with brownie (in a way rather reminiscent of a hamster) only to come face to face with Remus.

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**A/N: Sorry this was a little bit short I promise I'll try and make the next one longer! Anyway it would be really great if you could review and answer a few questions for me. **

**Basically all I want to know is: what do you want to happen/like to see before I end this fic? **

**Thanks for reading!**

**Scribbles.**

**xx**


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything, JK Rowling owns everything.**

**A/N: Thanks for all the lovely reviews guys! I'm sorry it's taken so long for me to update but I've been very distracted at work and actually watching the UK do well in the Olympics for a change :p Hope you enjoy!**

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Chapter 12

Remus smiled to himself as Hermione whipped around to face him. Despite her tearstained cheeks, wild hair, and brownie-stuffed cheeks she looked gorgeous to him. He watched as she stared wide eyed and attempted (with great difficulty) to swallow the brownie. Finally after waving her hands in front of her face for a moment she appeared to have successfully eaten the offending cake.

Hermione cleared her throat and blushed. "I didn't realize anyone was in," She said sheepishly.

Remus grinned and shrugged in response. This was making him nervous, he had no idea what to say to her. Should he just launch into the topic of the kiss or should he make small talk for a while? He could feel his own cheeks heating to match the colour of Hermione's. There was something about her that made Remus feel like an awkward teenager again. Maybe he'd not really allowed himself to give in to such frivolity of 'fancying' someone during the war. It was after all Dora who had pursued him rather than the other way around and before that he hadn't really looked at her in that way. But the way Hermione made him feel reminded him of that first big crush as a teenager with the swooping sensation in his stomach every time she smiled at him, or the way he was left tongue-tied every time they tried to have a conversation.

Remus was surprised that the young witch had such an effect on him. He had come to realise over the last week that he was not just attracted to her but he also held a desire to protect her and erase the hurt the war had left behind.

They both opened their mouths to speak at the same time. "Sorry," Remus said blushing. Hermione just shuffled slightly.

"I – uh – wanted to apologise for sort of launching myself at you. I don't really know what came over me," Remus began lamely. Now he wished he'd chosen a pub rather than a coffee shop to brood in, he could use a bit of Dutch courage now.

"It's not you who should be apologising – I started it," Hermione said with a sigh.

"It takes two," Remus said with a shrug.

"Yeah..." Hermione seemed to be avoiding his eyes.

"So...how are Harry and Ginny?" He asked.

_Coward_, Moony hissed.

_She obviously wants to forget it_.

_Her heart races when you speak – I hear it_.

_Yeah she probably doesn't want to be confronted with you, you're a monster remember?_

_We are no monster, human. Take her, make her yours._

_Shut UP!_

Remus looked up and realised that Hermione had been speaking. "...So yeah they're good! Although I think they're a bit run off their feet with the kids, you know?"

"Yeah, good," Remus said hoping that was an appropriate response. Somewhere in the house he could hear Sirius shuffling and the creaking of the old building.

"Why did you run away from me?" Hermione said suddenly.

Remus stood stunned into silence. He wasn't expecting her to come out with something like that. Oh God, what could he say? It wouldn't be the best idea to reply honestly and say 'Oh well, myself and the wolf are so attracted to you that I had to leave the room before I banged you right there against the bookcase. Not to mention that I'm an old, dangerous man and your ex-teacher.' Remus sighed to himself. He couldn't say that. Bollocks, this was a nightmare.

Hermione frowned as he stood in silence avoiding her gaze. "Why Remus? Am I too damaged? I know I'm not beautiful, am I repulsive to you? A bad kisser? Not good enough? Just fucking tell me Remus!" She said.

Remus swallowed and looked up, opening his mouth to speak...

"You have chocolate on your cheek," He said, moving towards her.

Hermione stood frozen to the spot, puzzlement painted plainly on her face.

Remus stood just in front of her and with one final deep breath leaned in and pressed his lips to the chocolate smudge on her cheek. His tongue darted out lightly and he tasted the sweetness of chocolate and the slight vanilla of her skin. Remus pulled back and ran a thumb over the spot his lips had been a moment before.

"Hermione, you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen and don't ever think that I left that library because of you," He murmured.

Remus could feel her chocolate scented breath brushing across his neck; she was so close it would only take one half-step to fill the gap between them.

"Then why?" She whispered.

He sucked in a breath and replied. "Because I felt like I was taking advantage of you and if I'd carried on then I don't know if I could have held back..."

"Kiss me," She spoke almost inaudibly.

Hermione's body seemed to fit so perfectly against his own as he pulled her against him and brought his lips down to meet hers. Unlike their kiss in the library this was slow and sensual. Her soft lips caressing his own as he stroked her hip with one hand and buried the other in her wildly curling hair. Remus moaned into her mouth as her smooth, hot tongue ran along his bottom lip and her hands traced light patterns on his shoulders and neck. Their tongues danced and he fought for dominance with his, exploring her delightfully chocolaty mouth. Pulling back he nibbled her bottom lip, eliciting a long moan from Hermione that only increased his desire. He wasn't sure how much more he could take before he lost control when she rolled her hips against his arousal. Remus pulled back, he didn't want to take her in the kitchen, he wanted to make love to her and lavish her with affection.

A voice startled them both from the doorway. "At last!" Remus turned his head to see Sirius leaning nonchalantly against the doorframe. "You two put on quite a show, you know?"

"Oh piss off you pervert," Remus growled hoarsely.

"I'll just go and guard the front door in case either of you decide to try and make a run for it again!" Sirius said with a cheeky grin before he grabbed a bottle of butterbeer off the side and sauntered away.

Remus could feel Hermione laughing into his chest. "So...where were we?" Hermione asked in a sultry voice.

"Wait," He said and stepped back from her. She looked concerned. Did she think he would run again?

"I want to take this slowly," He said to her. "I don't want this to be a onetime thing...I'd like this to maybe develop into something more." Hermione was still staring at him, now a little blankly. Oh Merlin, he hoped he hadn't misread the situation and she was looking for something more than a quick shag...

"Would you..." His voice was hoarse and hesitant. "Do you want to make a proper go of this? You know... maybe pursue a – uh – relationship with _me_?" Remus waited nervously for her response and tensed as she took a deep breath.

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**A/N: I'll try to get the next chapter up sooner this time :p Do let me know what you think of this fic/this chapter :)**

**Scribbles.**

**xx**


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. JK Rowling owns Harry Potter. I make no money. You know how it goes :D**

**A/N: Okay well, I know it's been ages but I've been having problems with my muse. Not to mention the problems I've been having with the kittens/little monsters I've been cat sitting for the last week and a half :p **

**Anyway, there'll be another two chapters and the fic is done (I think!). I would like to give a great big thank you to all the reviewers :) And also to Jack of the North and rileypotter17 for being amazing and helping me to work out how to write these last chapters! :D**

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Chapter 13

Hermione sat cross-legged in the field behind the Burrow, her back warmed by the last vestiges of sunlight breaking through an overcast evening sky as the long grass rippled lazily in a breeze. She turned a long stem of grass between her fingers as she observed the well worn path that weaved its way around occasional oak trees, towards the well hidden paddock the boys and Ginny had spent their summers practicing Quidditch.

She felt guilty for the way she had left Remus hanging...

_"So...where were we?" Hermione asked in a sultry voice._

_"Wait," Remus said and stepped back from her. Did he not want her anymore? She didn't want to go through this again._

_"I want to take this slowly," He said to her. "I don't want this to be a onetime thing...I'd like this to maybe develop into something more." Hermione stood motionless as he spoke. Was she ready for this? Merlin, she knew she found Remus attractive but was she able to enter into another relationship after Fred? Would she ever be ready? _

_"Would you..." His voice was hoarse and hesitant. "Do you want to make a proper go of this? You know... maybe pursue a – uh – relationship with __me__?" Remus said nervously. Hermione saw him tense as she opened her mouth to respond. _

"_I..." The words didn't come out. "Can I have some time to think about this?" She asked. Remus' face fell and he nodded resignedly. Without another word she had pushed past Sirius and left Grimmauld Place._

Before Hermione had even realised where she was apparating to, she had found herself staring out across the familiar field behind the Weasley family's house.

Despite the Weasley children leaving home the path still retained its dusty surface as though it had just been walked on. Hermione could almost imagine that they had all traipsed out to fly, her tagging along with a book, just the day before. She could hear Ron bellowing about the Chudley Canons, see Harry silently watching Ginny as she chatted to George, she could feel Fred's eyes burning into her back as she pretended to read her book. She could feel Fred's hand caressing her own as they secretly met behind an oak. She could imagine Fred's chapped lips brushing gently down her throat and the sparkle in his eyes.

A surge of wind blew a strand of hair from her face and whispered across her neck.

"Fred...? Are you here?" Hermione asked to the air. "Sometimes I think I can still feel you," She whispered as tears pooled in her eyes. Blades of long grass ghosted across her bare arms as she lifted a bottle of firewhiskey to her lips. The tears fell and cooled on her cheeks. "I miss you so much!" Hermione cried as she ripped grass from the earth and crushed the green blades in her hand.

Now that she focused on the grief Hermione realised how the hollowness inside ached when she took a breath. She noticed how her chest physically hurt whenever she saw someone with red hair, or heard George speak. She'd never noticed how seeing nougat reminded her of Fred, or how ridiculous things like broken toilet seats and canaries could make her sob at random times.

Hermione took a great swig of the whiskey and wiped her nose on her jacket that rested in her lap. Sitting on the ground that Fred had walked on and touching the grass in which they had made love made her feel closer to him and for the first time since he had died she heard his voice echoing in her head.

"_What are you doing here Granger? Y'know it could be considered offensive to me for you sit here half-dead emotionally when you should be living even more now I'm gone! Live for the both of us. Slip Ickle Ronnikins a Ton-Tongue Toffee or go and replace everyone's wands with Trick Wands. Don't sit here and cry for me... where's the fun in that!?"_

"Everything's changed," Hermione said to the air. Maybe she was crazy but she was so desperate to speak to him. Tears tickled her neck as she let them fall freely. "I'm so confused, Fred. I don't know what to do anymore! I just want to curl up and make all the feelings go away. How can I move on emotionally when I feel like I'd be cheating on you?" The rawness of her emotions cracked her voice and caused heaving sobs.

"_I'll always love you Hermione. You are so special and you deserve to be happy. I spent my life trying to make people smile and now I want to see _you_ smile again. You have a chance to heal and start to live again... Go and get him. Let me go..._

"_Hey Granger... You know it's a real cliché for the teacher's pet to fall in love with a teacher, right?"_

Hermione turned the bottle of whiskey upside down and watched as the amber liquid flowed into the grass and was absorbed by the earth. As the she watched the liquid pool, she realised that the swirling colour reminded her of Remus' eyes.

She waited for a moment in the twilight. The wind had dropped and all she could hear were the birds chirping merrily in the trees and hedgerow. "Fred?" She asked tentatively. Suddenly she couldn't feel his presence lingering around her anymore. A part of her felt empty and aggrieved by the finality of her loss, but Hermione was very aware of a hope beginning to bloom in her chest. For the first time since Fred had died she felt a swooping excitement as she thought about where the future might lead.

Maybe it was the half bottle of firewhiskey she had consumed, or maybe it was her newfound acceptance, but Hermione decided that she was finally ready to visit Fred and start to move forwards.

Hermione stepped outside the wards surrounding the Weasleys' land and apparated outside the gates of a cemetery. After the battle at Hogwarts the dead had been buried in a specially built cemetery to honour their sacrifices. Unlike many other Wizard graveyards the Second Wizarding War Cemetery was devoid of morbidity. The grounds flourished with plants provided by Neville and Professor Sprout and the marble gravestones gleamed softly in the twilight. Hermione walked straight to the tall marble memorial in the centre of the cemetery. Her eyes filled with tears as she read the inscription that resonated so deeply within:

_You can shed tears that he is gone  
Or you can smile because he has lived_

_You can close your eyes and pray that he will come back  
Or you can open your eyes and see all that he has left_

_Your heart can be empty because you can't see him  
Or you can be full of the love that you shared_

_You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday  
Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday_

_You can remember him and only that he is gone  
Or you can cherish his memory and let it live on_

_You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back  
Or you can do what he would want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on._

Taking a deep shuddering breath as she absorbed the words, Hermione turned to find where they had buried Fred. And that was when she realised that she wasn't alone in the cemetery.

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**A/N: Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed :) Just another disclaimer I forgot to put in, the poem at the end there is not mine, it's by David Harkin and is called '**_**He Is Gone'**_**.**

**Oh and do leave a review if you fancy it, I love to hear from you guys.**

**Scribbles.  
**

**xx  
**


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. **

**A/N: Sorry about the wait for an update guys! I've just gone back to work so I've been busy this weekend. Also apologies for any mistakes, I'm very tired today :p Anyway this is the penultimate chapter :) Only one more to go!**

**Oh and thanks again to rileypotter17 who reminded me to hurry up with the post and has been great at helping me sort out ideas! **

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Chapter 14

As soon as he heard the front door slam behind Hermione, Remus let out a huge breath and ran a hand through his hair. "Shit!" He exclaimed and kicked the leg of the table in irritation.

"What happened?" Asked Sirius, as he stepped into the kitchen.

Remus looked up at his friend and observed Sirius' worried expression. Despite his frustration Remus felt a surge of affection for the man in front of him; some people would never have thought Sirius Black capable of such care for others.

Remus shook his head in response and watched as Sirius opened a cupboard and produced two butterbeers. Remus took the bottle offered to him and calmed a little as the delicious drink tingled in his stomach. "I should go after her," Remus mumbled.

"Hang on," Sirius replied, holding out his hand to stop Remus as he moved to walk out the house.

"What if she tries to kill herself again Padfoot?" He said quietly to the dark haired man.

"She won't," Shrugged Sirius.

Remus sent him a disbelieving look from over the top of the bottle.

"She didn't look particularly suicidal, mate."

"Sirius, you come out with some the most idiotic things. 'She didn't look particularly suicidal'! Honestly... how does someone look suicidal? It's not like she was leaving the house whilst tying a hangman's noose is it?" Remus snapped and felt immediately guilty. It wasn't Sirius' fault that Hermione had left.

The two men sat at the table in silence, the only sound in the house was the scratching of the kitten upstairs, the disgruntled hoot of Archimedes, and the occasional gulp of butterbeer being consumed. Remus felt angry at himself on so many levels. He should never have let himself get involved with Hermione to this extent in the first place, let alone act on his feelings. He was a grown man, for Merlin's sake, a grown man who also happened to be a werewolf and Hermione's ex-professor. He should have known better than to entertain stupid fantasies of being in a loving relationship with a woman so many years his junior.

Remus drained the bottle and lent his forehead on the table as the warmth of the butterbeer spread through his body. What would Dora say if she could see him now? Would she be angry at him for wanting another woman or disappointed he had flouted his professionalism by becoming involved in an ex-student? Would she have been hurt that he had recovered from losing her so quickly?

The turmoil within felt like he was reliving Dora's funeral all over again. By acknowledging his attraction – no, _feelings_ – for Hermione he was burying the future that he had seen with Dora. That future had seemed to bright... he'd known it had been too good to last, he just wished it had been him rather than her that had died. Remus began to wonder if he had ever really moved on from Dora's death, regardless of what he had told himself and others. If he was honest with himself there was still a part of him that refused to accept that Dora was dead and that he had to move on.

Remus lifted his head and met Sirius' concerned eyes. "I'm alright," He reassured his friend.

"Evidently," Sirius replied with a slightly raised eyebrow.

"Let me know if Hermione gets back," He said as he stood up.

"Where are you going?" Sirius called from behind him.

"To see Dora," Remus replied, shrugging on a cloak.

"Moony... mate... I know you, and you need to move on," Sirius said as he followed Remus to the door.

"I know, Padfoot. I know," Remus replied before stepping out into the late afternoon and disapparating.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

The marble headstones at the Second Wizarding War Cemetery gleamed in the sun as Remus walked quietly down the well-tended gravelled pathways. The plants flowered all year round, thanks to Neville and Pomona Sprout, and in the late afternoon glow the scent of roses, lilies, honey suckle, and lavender scented the air. The soft whispering of wind through leaves and the gentle chirruping of hedgerow birds kept the beautiful resting place from being too quiet. He thought that it was exactly the kind of place Dora would have loved.

Remus stopped by a lot that was almost exploding with colour. The tastefully arranged flowers along the paths and around other lots were a far cry from the riot of flowers before him. Red, pink, and yellow roses fought for dominance with orange lilies, shocking pick bleeding heart flowers hung over the heads of bright nasturtiums, and purple pansies bloomed amongst powder blue forget-me-nots. But it was the tangle of bright sweet pea flowers that had wrapped itself over the headstone that was the most beautiful to Remus. The collection of flowers and the climbing sweet pea were so shockingly bright and such an assault on the senses it was impossible not to think of Dora when you looked at them. But thanks to the magic the plants never grew too much to obscure the carven words:

_In Loving Memory _

_Nymphadora Tonks _

_1973 – 1998_

_She Laughed Often and Lived Much_

Remus' knees clicked as he sat down at the foot of the grave and took in the white marble headstone with its epitaph and the cacophony of colour.

"Dora..." Remus sighed as he brushed his fingertips over her name engraved in the headstone. He knew she wasn't there, not really, but sometimes it helped to speak her name aloud... it made her real again for a second. Remus bowed his head slightly as tears sprung up in his amber eyes and at last he gave in to his grief.

The sound of footsteps on gravel startled Remus and he jumped to his feet with his wand ready to deflect any curses coming his way. It wasn't until he noticed the figure walking towards the main memorial that the sound of his pulse in his ears subsided and he lowered his wand. Now that he thought about it, he may have been a little paranoid thinking he was going to be attacked in a cemetery. But old habits die hard, after all.

Remus pulled his cloak closer, ran a hand through his hair, and rubbed his face. When he looked back up he found the figure staring straight at him and squinting his eyes in the dimming light he immediately recognised Hermione. Suddenly Remus felt like a deer in headlights. Would she think he was stalking her? No, he had been here first. She started to walk towards him and his heart started to pound against his ribcage.

The wind had blown her hair off her face and as she neared him he could tell that she had been crying by her blotchy red face and puffy eyes. He really didn't want to argue or to go through all the painful feelings of rejection again. _Bollocks_, he thought as he realised that now he'd obviously noticed her walking towards him he couldn't disapparate and pretend he hadn't seen her. He closed his eyes in resignation.

"Remus," He heard Hermione breathe. He opened his eyes slowly and met her chocolaty eyes.

"Uh..." Remus shuffled his feet uncomfortably.

"Is that Tonks' grave?" She asked.

Remus nodded in reply.

"It's beautiful," Hermione said. "I've never been here before," She continued.

Remus observed her from under his sandy fringe. She seemed different somehow. He wanted to be angry at her from walking away from him and leaving him hanging but he couldn't bring himself to feel like that when she stood there looking so beautiful. He should have realised that she was much too good for him.

He cleared his throat. "I should probably go," Remus said.

"Wait!" Hermione exclaimed as he turned to leave. "I didn't know you'd be here but now that you are I just want to apologise..."

"Hermione, you don't have to apologise to me but I'd prefer it if we didn't drag this out longer than necessary. Let's just forget I asked you anything back at Grimmauld Place and move on," Remus said despite the ache in his chest.

"But I don't want to forget,"

"You don't?"

"No," She replied with a shy smile. "Look, I'm really sorry for running out on you earlier but I didn't feel like I could give you a proper answer about 'us' until I'd sorted some things out in my own head."

_Us_? Remus thought. The word gave him a swooping sensation in his stomach. "And, uh, did you?" He asked.

"Did I what?" Hermione asked with a small smile as she tucked a piece of hair behind her ear.

"Sort things out in your head?"

"Mostly," She replied. Hermione bent down to look at Dora's headstone and then giggled. Remus wasn't sure whether to be worried or angry at the laugh.

Hermione stood up to meet his gaze again. "Sorry, I just thought it was ironic that the name Tonks hated so much is now immortalised in stone for all to see," She explained, her brown eyes were dancing with light.

"It is, isn't it?" Remus replied with amusement despite himself. He'd never noticed that before.

"Remus... can you... do you know where Fred's grave is?" Hermione whispered.

"Of course, it's this way," He replied while turning in the direction. A small, surprised smile lit his face as he felt Hermione slip her small hand in his.

At last they stood at a simple grave that was covered with wreaths. They stood for some time like that and Remus watched a host of emotions rush across Hermione's face. Finally she turned to him.

"I think I'm ready," Hermione whispered. Remus was suddenly aware of how close they were standing.

"Ready for what?" He asked.

Hermione stood on her tiptoes and planted a soft, chaste kiss on his lips. Her lips were soft and warm against his wind-chilled lips. Stunned, he watched as she withdrew her wand and produced a small wreath on Fred's grave.

Hermione turned to him once more and leant her head on his shoulder. He kissed the top of her head gently. "Let's go home," She said softly. Hand in hand they walked to the gates of the cemetery before apparating away, together.

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**A/N: Hope you enjoyed and thanks for reading :) Do let me know what you think! **

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	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. I didn't own anything at chapter 1, I still own nothing at chapter 15. It still all belongs to JK Rowling. **

**A/N: This is the last chapter people! I'm very excited – this is officially my first completed multi-chapter fanfiction :) Hope you all enjoy! This is dedicated to rileypotter17, who has helped me so much in finishing this!**

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****Chapter 15

Since meeting Remus in the cemetery three days previously, Hermione felt as though someone had breathed new life into her very being. Avidly reading, she had immersed herself in her books once more, skipping from sentence to sentence and rediscovering knowledge and passion. Except Hermione was not creating armour from knowledge or hiding in the permanence of the written word. No, it felt different this time. As she ran her fingers over the peeling book cover she finally understood, there was no escape from reality and no changing the past, people just need to keep on going the best they can.

"Reading again?" Hermione looked up at the sound of Sirius' pleasant tenor voice. She smiled and closed the book. Sirius leant against the library desk and smiled at her with that casual arrogance he seemed to constantly exude. He wore a pair of tailored trousers, smart black shoes, a white shirt with flamboyant embroidery around the cuff, and a dark red waistcoat with a pocket watch tucked in at the breast. "You're looking rather debonair," Hermione said.

"Well it's not too late to cancel my date and take you out instead," He replied with a bark of laughter. "Why stay here in a dank old house when I could be wining and dining you?" Hermione let out an unattractive snort in amusement.

"I'm afraid I must decline, Mr Black. I am in fact being cooked dinner here in this 'dank old house' by a rather dashing werewolf," She replied.

"Ah," Sirius said clutching his chest. "My wounded heart!" He winked at her and turned towards the door.

"Sirius? When you bring whatever poor unsuspecting woman you're 'wining and dining' home tonight, please don't make too much noise," Hermione said with a grin.

"Margo is not some unsuspecting woman thank you very much! And we'll only be quiet if you and Moony put up silencing charms yourself – I don't want to hear you two making up for months of sexual frustration all night!" Sirius said grinning.

Hermione could feel her cheeks flushing both with embarrassment and the thought of being in bed with Remus. "Best go and get dressed, beautiful, you don't want to keep him waiting," Sirius said before sauntering out of the library and away to meet his date.

Hermione looked down at herself suddenly and realised she was wearing a pair of baggy old jeans and sweater. _Shit_. She didn't have anything suitable for a date with Remus! She flung herself out of her chair and tiptoed towards the floo powder and fireplace. There was only one place she could go to get a dress for a date.

o0o

Remus was hit with a rush of intensely hot air as he opened the oven to check on the leg of lamb he was roasting. Standing back up he quickly felt for his eyebrows, which were still there. _Thank Merlin_, he thought as he transfigured a couple of wineglasses into a fancy candle holder. He'd already shrunk the kitchen table to a size more appropriate for an intimate meal for two, and moved it into the small drawing room that was otherwise unoccupied of furniture.

He stood back for a moment and scanned his eyes over the kitchen. The lamb was nearly done, the potatoes creamed, the green beans and peas were draining over the sink, and the slowly thickening jus was stirring itself. Right, well that all seemed to be under control.

The nerves were getting worse as the time ticked closer to their arranged dinner time. What if she didn't like the food? What if she'd changed her mind about him? Christ there was only five minutes before Hermione would appear. He had to light the candles and make the food look presentable on the plate, then he needed to... Shit! The wine, he'd forgotten the wine. Flapping his hands at his sides ineffectually, Remus tried to remember what wine would go well with lamb. _Oh fuck it,_ he thought as he charmed the closest bottle of red over to the table and let it uncork itself.

The clock chimed the hour and Remus' heart froze suddenly. He swiftly arranged the food onto the good china and placed a heating charm over them before waiting nervously beside the table. She was late. She must've changed her mind. He knew she wouldn't –

His thoughts ceased as he looked up to see Hermione standing in the doorway to the drawing room. She looked...Remus couldn't find a word to fully encompass how elegant and beautiful she looked. Hermione was wearing a deep red dress that fell to just below her knees, it clung over her breasts and hips but it was still demure. Her curly hair was tamed and piled on top of her head with ringlets left down to frame her face.

"Are you going to stare all night, Remus?" Hermione asked shyly. Remus noticed a blush rising in her cheeks, the way her chocolate eyes sparkled in the candlelight, and he was once again assaulted by how beautiful the woman before him was.

o0o

Hermione had to remember to thank Ginny for the dress because the way Remus was looking at her indicated the redheaded witch had been right about the choice of outfit. Once they were seated Hermione turned her attention to Remus as he poured them wine. He'd brushed his sandy hair off his face slightly and was wearing a handsome ensemble of suit trousers, shirt and blue waistcoat with gold buttons that brought out his amber eyes.

"The food looks absolutely divine, Remus," Hermione said with a smile as she looked at the tempting meal on her plate.

"Thank you," He replied, a little flush tinting his cheeks. "Have you read anything particularly interesting in the library today?" Remus asked her.

"Yes, I was reading an absolutely fascinating book on wand lore actually." They talked avidly about books and theories all through dinner, and after, demolishing two bottles of Grimmauld Places' fine red wine in the process.

The clock chimed and they both looked up. "Merlin! Is that the time already?" Remus exclaimed. Hermione couldn't quite believe that they'd been sat at the table for two and a half hours either. With lazy flicks of their wands they cleared dinner into the sink and moved upstairs with all the best intentions of going to the library.

At the top stair Hermione's breath caught as she stumbled. Remus' arms were suddenly around her waist, pulling her around to face him. She backed up into the hallway with him, their eyes never leaving each other. Tentatively, Remus' lips brushed hers and she instinctively leaned into him for more. The kiss became more passionate as she ran her tongue along his bottom lip and sought entrance into his mouth. Hermione's need for him increased as he moaned into her mouth. Remus nipped her lower lips and continued the long, sensual kiss as he backed them up towards his bedroom door.

Remus kicked the door closed behind them and for a moment they stood looking at each other, their chests rising and falling rapidly. He drew his wand and muttered locking and silencing spells before throwing it on the bedside table. Hermione drew him back into the kiss and marvelled at the way his hands felt as they travelled down her back and slowly unzipped the back of her dress. Her fingers desperately fumbled with his waistcoat and shirt buttons, and finally she pushed them off his shoulders. Remus' chest was well muscled and although littered with scars, one of the most attractive Hermione had ever seen.

Finally divested of clothes they collapsed onto the bed. Remus kissed every inch of her, worshipping her body with his mouth. "Hermione..." He whispered huskily as he came back up to meet her lips. "Are you sure...?" Hermione rested a finger against his lips and looked into his deep amber eyes.

"I need you, Remus. I want you to make love to me."

In the afterglow of possibly the most mind-blowing and loving sex she had ever had, Hermione lay curled into Remus' chest. She could smell his chocolate and wood pine scent; hear the steady beat of his heart and the rhythm of his breath as he slept. Somewhere downstairs she heard a giggle and a thud, and she smiled to herself; Sirius' date must have gone well.

As she snuggled further down into the duvet and into Remus' chest, her sleepy smile remained. After wandering aimlessly, hiding from her past, and spending a year sure that she didn't want to live anymore, she felt happy. The world slowed down and seemed to slot her back into place. Finally, Hermione Granger felt like she belonged.

THE END.

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**Thank you to all you reviewers who have stuck with me, and all those who just turned up :) I wouldn't be able to have done this without all your support, so thank you very very much!**

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